First of all, I just want to apologize for only posting one blog last year, it was one crazy year between school, holidays, a really bad car accident that I was in, in July and I have since been trying to get better, but that's for another blog post.

I think I am going to change this blog up a little bit. All but the first post have been about encouraging people and telling my testimony. I still want to encourage others with my posts and I still want to write about my testimony, past and present, but I also want to do what this blog website is actually called French Diaries. I believe the Lord has called me to use this as sort of a diary of what I am feeling and what He is telling me, who knows where this could go.


I have been really struggling lately because I had to move from California to Washington after the accident. I planned to come here, but not this soon. I wanted to finish school and then once that happened, Will and I would head to Washington to live our lives here, but the Lord had a far different plan: I would move to Washington and Will would stay in California with his family. Which has been hard, being separated for so long.

The thing that I have been REALLY struggling with recently is finding a job. I have been basically disabled as of recently due to the accident (I broke both ankles, right femur, and got my knee stuck in the dashboard that came forward) and was denied disability from the state. December 27 was the first time in 6 months that I was able to drive again. I have been asking family, friends, and doing surveys (which don't pay much for as long as you have to do them) to afford gas and two credit card bills that I have to pay every month. I just want to start making my own income so that I don't have to keep asking people for me and so that I can enjoy entertainment with friends like going to a movie or going out to eat, which I can't do right now unless I ask somebody for money.

I've been looking for work since I stopped working in 2017 as a Federal Work Study Student from the college that I was attending at the time. I had to leave that job because I graduated with my Associate's Degree ( YAY ME!) I then started to attend a university and received grant money, which is what helped me pay the rent for the rooms that I was in, in California. Some months, my boyfriend did help me out when he was able to do so.

Now that I'm in Washington and almost to where I was before the accident, with some extra metal on my bones, I've been applying to jobs that I think I could be able to do because I can't carry anything heavy at the moment. I've been constantly, every day applying to every job that I can and haven't heard from any of them as of yet. It's really hard not to become discouraged when you either get a "sorry, but we advanced with somebody else" or you don't even hear anything. I'm in the middle of being discouraged and having faith in God at the same time if that makes any sense. I am discouraged that I cannot find or be accepted by a job, but I also know that God has a plan for everything and even in this waiting for a job or even for a financial miracle, I know that He has a plan for this season of waiting.

I've been trying to listen to Him of what to do or where to go to apply, but I really haven't heard him say anything about anything job wise, which confuses me, but even in my confusion, I will still trust in Him and His plan. In the right time, He will show me where to apply or if I will get a financial miracle. Whatever is going to happen is up to Him and I just have to trust in Him, which can be very difficult for me because my type of personality is someone who wants to know what to do right away and I want to constantly be doing something. I don't like to wait or not be doing anything or earning/saving money for now and the future.

The other thing that I have been worried/stressed about is that I want to be independent again. I want to own my own apartment. I want an apartment, but how am I to get one when I don't have money coming in every month and proof that I can pay for it. I need an apartment that will also accept pets so that I can have my cat once again live with me because I haven't slept with him since 2017 when he left for Washington that winter. Which then means that I have to also save money for a pet deposit as well. My mom has been sending me quite a few apartments that are pretty cheap and do accept pets. It gets me excited for when I get a job because I'll be able to live on my own for once in my life and have my own space, be as loud or quiet as I want, get on the diet that I want to be on, and go to the gym whenever I want. But like I said above, I have to wait for His timing for when everything is going to happen.

With all this being said, I know that God will provide for me just as He has always done. God says that the best is yet to come. When He makes you wait, He's setting you up for something you could never imagine.

Thank You, Lord, for all that You have done in my life. Thank You for allowing Will and I to live after our accident in July. Thank You for healing both of us. Thank You for Your blessings each and every day. Thank You for waking me up every day. Thank You for new blessings every single day. Thank You for bringing Will into my life. Just thank You for everything you have done and continue to do for me. Thank You for always providing for me. Thank You for loving me enough to die for me. Thank You for the wait and for the trials. Thank You for who You are and always have been.