Trust...

...it's a hard topic for many people including me.

It is very hard for me to trust people after they have hurt me, even once. I wish it wasn't like this, but sadly, I have no idea how to get out of this never-ending cycle. When you hurt me, I build a wall that is very hard to break down again, I become distant, and I watch my back and constantly look over my shoulder to see if someone is doing that thing again. It takes seconds to break trust and a lifetime to repair it. I guess someone could say that I trust too much when I'm not supposed to. Actions speak louder than words. It's like once you've been hurt, you're so scared to get attached again. Like you have this fear that every person you come into contact with is going to break your heart. It's a sad life to live, unfortunately, I still struggle with this when others hurt me.

Many who I never thought would have hurt me. People closest to me have let me down in ways that I never could imagine them ever doing. How many more times will I let them keep hurting me until I have finally had enough? They've hurt me more than once and yet I keep saying that it's okay and that I forgive them or try to forgive them, why do I do this? Every relationship that you have with somebody, love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to. So many times has this been so right and I think that's why it hurts so much when it happens. So many times, I just wanna say to some of them: "stop asking me to trust you when I'm still chocking on the water from the last time you let me drown." I don't trust words, I trust actions.

Some say that the best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything from anybody, but how do you do that when you are a forgiver? Your heart is so large that you don't know how to give up on people because you always believed the good in the those you love. It was until you were walked on so many times, you had no choice but to let go of those who burned holes in your heart. "Sorry" works when mistakes are made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes (as few as possible), but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting and trusting again is sometimes impossible. The only way that you can possibly trust again is through the Lord. Trust is built in very slow moments.

The worst kind of hurt is betrayal because it means someone was willing to hurt you just to make themselves feel better. Life has taught me that you can't control someone's loyalty. No matter how good you are to them, doesn't mean they'll treat you the same. Sometimes the people you love the most, turn out to be the people you can trust the least. It's hard to trust when all you have from the past is evidence why you shouldn't. This is the ultimate fear of someone who has been abused and abandoned; that he or she will pour out their heart and be vulnerable one more time, and is hurt once again. I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you. It's funny how the people that hurt you the most are the ones that swore they never would. It's not the future you are afraid of. It's the fear of the past repeating itself that haunts you. Forgiving them isn't the hardest part, it's trusting them again.

I have learned not to put my trust in man (that includes men and women) because even if they don't mean to, they can break that trust very easily, but the Lord? He will never break His promises, He will never break the trust. In Isaiah 40:31 it states "Those who trust in the Lord will find strength. Whatever you are going through, if He has brought you to it, He will bring you out of it. I try to be the love that I've never had. God can restore what is broken and change it into something amazing. All you need is faith.- Joel 2:25. But just remember that the pain you are feeling now doesn't compare to the joy that's coming.

If you look at many of the Psalms you will find many scriptures saying to trust in the Lord. This is because we can't rely on anybody else except Him. The Lord knows how many times I have prayed to Him about removing the thoughts that keep come flooding back, why don't they go away though? God is more powerful than any of your circumstances, He's telling you to trust in Him, don't you hear Him? He's saying that He's going to restore your trust again, He is going to allow you to forgive your enemies. Walk with God when your heart needs company. Turn to God when you need someone to lean on. Take His hands when you feel alone. He is there when you need Him most and even when you think you don't need him at all. Never give up, never back down, never lose faith and trust God, He can do the impossible.

You know what they say, God has a time for your healing and for your breakthrough. Trust His timing. I relax in the peace and silence of God's loving presence. I let go of all outer concerns and place them in the hands of my God. I am calm and still and receiving God's blessings. I am a beloved child of God, and God's loving presence flows through me now and always. God is saying to you today, "Don't give up. I am faithful. I am going to restore you. I am going to heal you. I'm going to make a way for you. I did it before and I will do it again." Always know that God is always building you, even when it seems like He's breaking you. Sometimes people are waiting for God to do something and He's waiting for them to PRAY. Trust God. I know you're very worried and afraid that know no matter the outcome, God is still in control. He can heal every hurt, every ounce of pain that you feel, every wrong that you ever did.

When you come out of the storm you will not be the same person who walked in. That is what the storm is all about. Faith is trusting God even when you don't understand His plan. Pray, then let it go. Don't try and manipulate or force the outcome. Just trust God to open the right doors at the right time. Even though you may be hurting, just know that God has a plan. Have faith and believe you will be stronger in the end.God is going to allow you to recover everything you lost, plus gain some extra blessings you didn't even qualify for. God says in Isaiah 43:2 "When you go through deep waters, I will be with you." Give it over to God, the battle is not yours. God never allows pain without purpose. Trust God with what you can not change. Maybe God hasn't given you that relationship of your dreams because He's preparing you for the Marriage of your prayers.

God's plans will always be greater and more beautiful than all of your disappointments. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18. The Lord will fulfill His purposes for me. Psalm 138:8. God is going to use your struggle to save others. You will get through this, I guarantee it. He has to ensure you have victory so you give hope to others that they can also have victory. "I will answer." Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and mighty things you could never understand on your own. Jeremiah 33:3. In God I put my trust; I will not be afraid of what man can do unto me. Psalm 56:11. And if the sorrow clouds your soul, don't fight it; allow the tears to flow. We are not meant to be invincible, we bruise easily, and the heart is soft; prone to bleed at the slightest touch. It is in those moments of sadness that we must be brave enough to allow Christ in, to let Him be present in our pain.

With all of this, I leave you all this: God has a new beginning in store for you and the way you prepare for it is by getting rid of the old. Don't spend time focusing on where you've been; spend time focusing on where you're going. When you forget the former things, it means you're not worried about the past anymore. You don't allow it to dictate your future. You may remember past events, but you don't feel the pain like you used to. You've opened your heart to receive God's healing. Begin today by declaring that your past is over! Forget the former things and receive the restoration and victory God has in store for you!