I'll be honest, I haven't ever seen myself as beautiful. I just don't like my weight, teeth, or the way that I break out when I'm stressed. No matter what anybody has said, I just don't see myself as that. And I have realized that I might as well be a hypocrite if I keep telling other girls that they are beautiful no matter what anybody says, even whatever they say to themselves. I have been trying to make myself feel beautiful by make post-its of sayings like "You are beautiful" or "You don't have to change anything about yourself to make yourself feel beautiful." He makes all things beautiful, that includes you and me. He took these rags and made them beautiful.
I'm going to explain why I don't feel beautiful (going into the past a bit). Throughout elementary and middle school, I was always called fat and ugly. I would be made fun of by girls and boys my age about how slow I would run and they would say things such as "wow, she is so slow!" or while I was running for PE, the boys my age would say, "...years later, here she is." And although those don't sound too mean, they were very hurtful to me. It made my self-esteem go the lowest that it had ever been in my life.
Then in High School, I would still be made fun of for how slow my mile times were even though I tried my hardest to do the best I could, most of them being in the 12-minute range. Even the teacher told me that I wasn't trying my hardest, yet when I was done with the two miles, every time I would almost pass out due to pushing myself so hard. I also had an ex, not gonna name who so that nobody calls him out on it, that would say such mean things me too, making me feel like the worst person ever, yet made me feel like he was the person that I needed the most. He would call me ugly and then say that I couldn't find anybody better because of how ugly I was and how lucky I was that at least he had "fallen in love with me" because nobody else would. I dated him for a few months, yet he had so much of a negative impact on my life that would then cause me to become depressed. Then when I became depressed, I would use food as the source of pleasure.
If I asked you to name all of the things that you love in this world, how long would it take you to name yourself? Good question ey? I know my answer would be that it would take very long for me to name myself as something I love the first things that come to mind when I asked that first part to myself was God, my family, my boyfriend, and my friends. I wouldn't even think about naming myself as something in this world that I love. Although that second part of the question really catches you off guard and makes you think (or at least it made me think) about the way that we see or even don't see about ourselves. For me personally, I think that it's sad that I don't love myself, I really do want to love myself, but it's a slow process that I am trying to build for myself. How am I to encourage the Jr. Highers or High Schoolers at my church to love themselves if I don't love myself? But just think about this, God loves you more in a moment than anyone could in a lifetime. When I saw this quote one time on Facebook, I just had to stop what I was doing, thank Jesus and honestly, cry a little bit especially before I knew Jesus during those times that I thought that I was unlovable or that nobody loved me. How cool is it that the same God that created the mountains and oceans and galaxies looked at you and thought that the world needed one of you too.
To my loving, Jesus freak boyfriend. You too are handsome. Many others including exes, friends, and family have called you overweight and that you eat too much or whatever anyone else says to you, YOU ARE HANDSOME!!! You may see flaws as just that, flaws, but I see perfection. I see the amazing man that God has created you to be and the one that just keeps growing in life, in your relationship with Him, and with our relationship. I'm truly blessed to call you mine. You should never see yourself as ugly or any other negative idea about your body, you should only see yourself the way that God sees you and how handsome/beautiful you are in His eyes and in mine. He made you this way for a reason, He and I see you as perfect in His image. Don't listen to the world and what the world has to say about you, listen to what God says about you. I know you say that you want to lose the weight and start becoming more healthy by going to the gym, if that's how you wanna do it, then I am 100% for you and I know that you can do anything because you have Jesus by your side and you can do all things through Him. Even when you think that you look like the ugliest person on earth or that no one could love you because of how you look, think of Jesus and how He died for your sins because He loved you so much that He literally died for you. Every time that I tell you that you are handsome, you say "no I'm not, I'm ugly." No, you are not, if you could see what I see you would never say that again. Focus on what you do like about your body, don't look at others and wish that you could be them. Focus on your accomplishments and the positive things that you have done recently. You do not need validation from anyone else to feel good about yourself. Surround yourself with the people that support you and make you feel good about yourself. Do things that make you happy (as long as they are okay with the Lord). Love yourself the way you are right now, not what or who you could be. Everything about your body is more beautiful when you stop looking at your "flaws" as flaws, but instead as the uniqueness about you. I heard a quote and it goes something like this: "You are not fat, you have fat. You also have fingernails, but you are not made of fingernails." Be your own kind of beautiful, if that means working out at the gym then do so, if that means just telling yourself that you are enough and you are precious then do that also. God says " You are beautiful, I know because I made you!" Fall in love with everything that you are. You are so much more than the number that you see on the scale. Beauty is what you feel about yourself, not what you see in the mirror.
Nobody tells you that it's okay to call yourself beautiful, it's okay to smile at mirrors, and it's perfectly fine to say that your own eyes are pretty, that it is wonderful to love your waste and your legs regardless of their size and you are not conceited if you use your fingers to list everything you're good at rather than point at all your own flaws, you can acknowledge that you're smart and that you will go places and you will be someone greater than your mistakes, you can't always expect other people to believe in yourself for you. Here is a quote from Amy Poehler, "When you talk about yourself or talk to yourself... try to picture you talking to your own daughter [son], or your younger sister [brother]. Because you would tell your younger sister [brother] or your daughter [son] that she [he] is beautiful or handsome, you wouldn't be lying. Because she is. And so are you." Darlings, open your eyes. You are not made up of those words that hurt you. Or that number on the scale. Or the expectations that you feel you will never meet. You are made up of nothing more than you. Simply, beautifully, wonderfully, uniquely you. You are a lovely and complex soul. An individually fascinating combination of thoughts, ideas, feelings, emotions. No other is as beautiful as you. Look past the mirror. Look at your soul. Only then will you see yourself as you truly are, Beautiful. So smile! And don't forget to love yourself. Your value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth. Apologize to your body, maybe that's where the healing begins. This may seem like it's to all of the women out in the world, but this post is also to the men that don't feel like they are handsome or who are insecure because of what people have told them in the past. YOU ARE HANDSOME AND (you women/ladies) YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!! "I can't afford to have a thought in my head that's not in God's head about me." - Bill Johnson.
A book that was gifted to me from a friend at my church called His Princess: Love Letters from Your King. What this book basically is is what the author, Sherie Rose Shepard, thought that the Lord might say to His people. I wanted to write down some of the passages from this book.
You are My True Beauty- Your real beauty is a work of art--hand carved by Me. I have given you beautiful lips to speak words of life, beautiful eyes to see Me in everything, beautiful hands to help those in need, and a beautiful face to reflect My love to the world. I know you don't see yourself the way I do because you compare yourself to beauty idols that will soon be forgotten. I will work wonders that will radiate true beauty from within. And when My work is completed, your character will show off My craftsmanship, and your beauty marks will be remembered by all that were loved by you. Love, Your radiant King. Psalm 144:12.
You are My Masterpiece- I love what I have created. I am delighted in you! Don't ever feel insecure about what you think you are not because I made you in My image and your uniqueness is a gift from Me. I did not give you life, My love, for you to squeeze into a man-made mold. You are royalty, but you won't discover that truth by gazing into a mirror. Let Me be your mirror and I will reflect back to you your true beauty. The more you gaze at Me, the more you will see My workmanship in you. The sooner you see yourself for who you really are, the sooner you begin your reign as My priceless princess with a purpose. Love, your King, and your creator. Ephesians 2:10. (even this one can be towards the men).
Take Care of Your Temple- My love, you are My special treasure. You are My royal temple, and I-- Your King-- dwell within you. I created you to be a royal, holy place where My Holy Spirit lives. I want you to be a glorious, shinning example of My handiwork for the entire world to see. Although your eternal King resides in you, your body is still in need of rest. Take time for yourself; your mental and spiritual health depends on it. You're not being selfish by doing this, so don't let others make you feel guilty about your decision. My princess, you and I will work in complete harmony with a divine purpose and a royal commission--to touch the hearts of those around you. In your quiet time, My precious one, come into My presence and let Me refresh your temple with My spiritual strength. It is My good pleasure to give you all you need. 1 Corinthians 3:16-17.
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